Sunday, 10 January 2010

MISSING PIECE

In my growing years, I have always been astonished by families who go to church on Sunday and kiss each other as a sign of peace during mass.. Until now, I have always been touched during weddings as the bride marches to the altar to meet the groom, and a debutant on her last dance with a man so called “father”...I have been blessed all my life but I haven’t felt the true meaning of the word. This has been the missing piece in our life…

I can still remember when I was 10 years old when my dad left for the states to work. I’m really not close to him but I can still remember the short time I, and my brother had with him. For some reasons, our parents’ marriage didn’t work out. Since then, our father didn’t communicate with us anymore. My mom tread paths of raising me and my brother.. I felt anger and hatred at time because at our age that is the only feeling you need to have in order not to pain. I have lots of questions which in my young mind cannot contain. My brother and I grew up anticipating that somehow there will come a time to have a glimpse of dad… This never came…

The hoping years ended, and came the acceptance that it will not come anymore..

As years passed, mom reaped the fruits of her labor of being a single parent. We have our own families now, and where we are now is because of her.. She taught us to be strong and not to become a victim of any painful circumstances. She had perfectly filled the missing piece.. Time really heals, and as it passes, the thought and the hope of seeing or hearing dad didn’t even cross my mind..

Until August 2007 came.. I was assigned to go to US for an event. With that, I took the chance of searching for my dad. I went to Los Angeles with my cousins to search for him. I had mixed feelings. I am afraid that another rejection would relive my anger again. I don’t know the words which I have to say, a lot of things running my mind and I am continuously praying that at least he may have the guts to acknowledge me.

August 19, 2007 the plane American Airlines touched down LAX. Straight from the airport, we took a long drive to Lancaster. Mile per mile my heart is pounding faster and faster. I can’t seem to find a perfect sitting position as my cousin norjelyn drives. After two hours or so, we finally reached Lancaster. This is his place. It was a house at the corner of the street. I still can’t believe that it is happening.. my hands are sweating as my cousin parked at the front of his house. I prodded myself heavily as we come near the door of their house. This will end my years of anticipation.. I just wanted to have a glimpse of him.. Norjelyn knock into the door as I sit on the bench outside the door. A man opened the door and asked her to come in. It was him. He was ultimately shocked to see me.. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel anything. He was a complete stranger to me except for the fact that his face, hands, feet resembles mine. He welcomed us and introduced us to his partner..” ma, si nor, si ica, atsaka si JO.., Jo Kristine”. I don’t want to reveal any of my emotions but I finally heard my name from the man who gave it to me. It was a complete silence while we were on his house.. It was hard to bridge the long gap. I can’t even look into his eyes and ask him how he is. It was already late so we decided to stay overnight.

The next morning, he prepared breakfast for us. Both of us can’t find the right topic to even start a conversation. After eating, my cousin and I went to the room and I asked them that I wanted to talk to dad. I will never let this opportunity pass..

He was in the kitchen washing the dishes when I approached him. .It was this time that I have seen him this close and face to face. The lines on his face, the thinning hair and his teeth were a clear sign that he has grown old since the last time that I have been face to face with him when I was ten years old.. I broke the silence as I told him “ daddy, pwede ba kitang yakapin?” The stranger who opened the door when I came in broke down into tears, embraced me so tightly and said, “ anak patawarin nyo ako..” words that I have been longing to hear all my life.. with so many questions and so little time, the only thing that came in my mind is to ask him ” naalala mo pa ba kami ni osep?, twenty years na hindi tayo nag usap, baka hindi mo na kami kilala, kinalimutan mo na kami” . His voice breaks as he said, “ walang araw ng buhay ko na nawala kayo ni osep dito sa puso ko.” I broke down and felt his words sincerely.. There were a lot of questions unanswered, but these were his words that I am now holding on all the days of my life since I came to see him.. I know that my dad had a lot of hard times and pain, much more than what we had when he left us.. I don’t know if I will ever see or talk to him again. Only God knows. I talk to him in prayer where no boundaries can hinder. We have different lives now… but the words that he said are enough to say that I have found the missing piece in my life..

11 comments:

glenda said...

grabe naman napaiyak mo na naman ako te jo..si osep pinipigil lang daw kasi nahihiya siya kay migx...

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting this, Ba'jo...napaiyak mo na naman kami!

I really admire your mom for being so tough in spite of what happened to your family. Nakita namin kung paano niya kayo pinalaki Osep na mabubuti at God-fearing na mga bata (teka, di na yata kayo mga bata ah). Kaya naman, your mom is so blessed in so many ways...sa mga apo palang namin na pagka-cute-cute na love na love siya, "Ang Wowa J ng Bayan"...ang school na ipinut-up n'yo na bonggang-bongga ang pagdami ng students!...at maraming-marami pang iba. WE LOVE YOU, ATE JOSIE! SALUDO KAMI SA IYO!

I also believe that your dad loves you deep in his heart, wala lang talaga siyang magawa sa ngayon dahil sa... 'hope na he will get a chance to read this para ma-enlighten ang mind niya.

Finally, let me share my fave bible verse: "And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28.

maddy said...

JO pinaiyak mo ko....na miss ko bigla yung dad ko....

Mitzi said...

huhuhuhu, buti na lang may tissue sa harap ko...kakahiya andito ko sa office...

Anonymous said...

Mare...so touching nman nito. Im so proud of you coz mas pinili mo ang lumaki sa tamang landas inspite of what happened, unlike others na rebelde at pahirap sa parents...Sana mabasa ng mga kabataan eto na naliligaw ng landas dahil sa mga nangyari din sa buhay nila na tulad ng sayo, ur a good example.
alam mo ba dahil sa post mo na eto, na enlighten ako at nasagot na matagal kong tanong sa kanya, (u know kung cno eto).
Sana pagpatuloy mo pa ang pagiging role model sa lahat.
karapat dapat ka talagang tawaging "NAYNAY" ng bayan.

naynay said...

thanks mare..I know you can raise your children also to the right path...

Gloria Dias said...

Our dearest Bajo,

Your life story (your mom's, osep's and your's) are a true inspiration to your whole family and everyone that surrounds you and continues to be so. Keep up the strength, the faith, the hope which are with you all these wonderful years of your life. Although your missing piece is still a missing piece, Praise God for the opportunity to ever tasted it even for just a moment. Continue to pray for your dad that somehow, someday he will really come to repentance and ask your mom for forgiveness. She must have forgiven your dad long back but it would be wonderful if sincerely asked. God bless you Jo, Raymond and your beautiful twins Gab and Dan with your Mom and Nanang Orang. Stay focused on God.

Love Him dearly because he first loved you.

Continue to love and serve your mom, she gave her all for you and Osep.

" Without faith it is impossible to please God, for anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." HEBREWS 11:6

Prayerfully yours,
Tita Glo, Tito Malcolm, HAJOMI

Roche said...

Hi Nay Jo,

super ganda ng story mo, very inspiring.kakaiyak po ang eksena at lubusan po akong humanga sa katapangan mo.keep it up po.

thanx for sharing it with us.

sanet said...

ate, here's my comment to this blog of yours. hahaha :)) pagmakasma tyo you never fail me to laugh but when i read it grbe naiyak tlga ako.

oh well ate i just want you to know that we love you. and we're always here.

tapia said...

tear jerker... naalala ko kung bata pa tayo, hindi ka lumabas para maglaro nung umuwi daddy mo sa inyo. at ingat na ingat ka na wag masugat kasi ayaw yon ng daddy mo. naalala ko din yung hinlalaki mo sa paa na natuklap dahil sa "football" after non, di ka na naglaro uli. :) ingat palagi jo!

kris nestor urian said...

Kainis ka Ate Jo. Tear jerker ha.